you're nothing but meat

Or something

2007-04-30T08:17:01Z

lilired @ 2006-09-10T23:11:00

2006-09-10T13:12:00Z

Create your own! Originally Written By ga_woo</lj>, Hosted and ReWritten by darkman424</lj>

LMFAO - an extract.

2006-08-19T02:32:33Z

Say it loud and say it often. The Chaser team give some tips about how to grab the limelight.

MOST PEOPLE attending writers' festivals go to feed their love of literature, to seek inspiration, or just for the fun of it. But a select few attend because they love themselves, inspire themselves and find themselves fun. Some are the old and lonely. Some are the young and the angry. And some are simply paranoid schizophrenics in desperate need of a microphone. If you are one of these people, or simply want to be like them, The Chaser's step-by-step guide to ruining a writers' festival question-and-answer will show you how to turn an informative, lively debate into a slightly unpleasant waste of time. Let's throw it open to the floor.

Share your political theories

Use your moment in the sun to espouse your theory on George Bush and the Iraq war. Don't worry if you're in a seminar on romance writing or symbolism in contemporary fiction - our boring, right-on polemic will be equally unwelcome wherever you are. Example: Big Oil is the key to America's involvement in Iraq - but with Big Media so complicit in George Bush's rape of that country, I fear this is something the American people will never truly understand.

Pretend your diatribe is a question

When your outburst is finished, tack on an unrelated question to give it a semblance of relevance. Example: I just wanted to know what you think about that idea, and its implications for romance novels in the 21st century.

Ask at least three questions

The presenter may warn that there are only a few minutes left before the end of the session, and ask if everyone can limit themselves to one question. Obeying this order is a trap for young players - remember, your question is so insightful and clever that this rule does not apply to you. Everyone will be grateful that you asked three questions because each was so brilliant. Still, try to pretend you are only asking one question. For example: "How do you research your novels and who was your favourite writer as a child? And my main question is, what do you see as the future of historical fiction and how did you feel when you won the Booker?"

Prove you are smart

A convoluted and obscure reference point is the surest way to do this. Make sure it adds nothing to the debate and merely bogs the session down as the panel attempts to decipher your carefully memorised question. For example: "Why didn't you consider the metaphysical phenomenology advocated by Husserl in your novel? Do you think his distinction between indication and expressions as the two modes of signification could have been useful in the writing process?" Don't bother to listen to the answer - your work is done.

Share your life story

People may have paid $20 to see a famous author but that's only because they don't realise how much more interesting you are. Make sure they find out. For example: "I was only saying just the other day to a friend at the pottery class I attend on Tuesdays, that I actually found Istanbul an inspiring city, certainly more so than Athens, which is where I spent six months as a graduate student in the late 1970s. Which brings me to my question, which is essentially how did you find Istanbul on that first visit?"

Make reference to your own writing

Show you're not one of the plebs by making a passing reference to your own writing in your question. Make sure you use words like "literary", "craft" and "process".

Attack the panelists

Don't think that just because someone is smarter, better educated and more talented than you that you can't attack them on spurious and ill-thought-out grounds. Fire a broadside about a writer being commercial, accuse them of racism (saying that their writing is "colonialist" is even better), or say they stole their novel idea from you - it doesn't matter, as long as you're shouting.

Wear a hat

Hog the meet-and-greet

Now's your chance to meet the author face-to-face. Don't worry about that queue of people behind you waiting to have their book signed - you're about to have a new famous friend. Ignore any looks of discomfort or polite attempts to wind your "conversation" down, and don't forget the sycophantic laughter.

This is an extract from 50 Golden Years of The Chaser: 1955-2005, by The Chaser, Text Publishing, $28.
The Chaser can be seen at 10.00pm each Friday on ABC TV.

lilired @ 2006-05-16T08:04:00

2006-05-15T22:09:34Z

Take the five nearest books and...
Book 1 first sentence
Book 2 last sentence on page 50
Book 3 second sentence on page 100
Book 4 next to last sentence on page 150
Book 5 final sentence

"In the latter days of July in the year 185-, a most important question was for ten days hourly asked in the cathedral city of Barchester, and answered every hour in various ways - Who was to be the new bishop? Our day-to-day life is bombarded with fortuities or, to be more precise, with the accidental meetings of people and events we call coincidences. 'Nothing. Pair of shoes I had half-soled. Not until tomorrow, you hear?' 'You'll be leaving soon.' Vented fibreglass spool with dome nuts."

heeee :)

Be my ebay bitch.

2006-01-17T05:25:19Z

Why doesn't anyone want the hot clothes I'm selling? PEOPLE HAVE NO STYLE. CLEARLY.

lmao @ my descriptions.

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=8373345733&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1

Jo's a good writer. I like her very much. Alas, I am antisocial and always tired. I need to go and get my blood/sugar levels taken. Maybe I'm diabetic? I think so. They may have to amputate.

I hope so.

I'm having a few realisations about life. Apparently all you need to do is keep breathing.

My name is Jack Bauer. And this is the longest day of my life.

*fly-kick, BOOM head shot!!!!*

On New Year's Day...

2006-01-01T05:41:09Z

I'd like to start the year with an inane post.

We have a flea infestation. For some reaon, kiki isn't responding to flea treatment (which is damn annoying considering it's top of the line and $90 a pop). We conclude that it's time to flea bomb our room. The owner of the house says "NO way, we must wait until it gets cooler." Okay, possibly the most retarded thing I've ever heard. In the meantime, rory has open flea wounds all over his feet (I think they like him 'cause he's hairy - thus far I haven't been bitten.)BUT we wait. Then today, when it's what, 45 C? The owner of the house comes into the room and says "maybe you should flea bomb today." Brilliant, brilliant. Let's bomb the room on New Year's Day, sit outside and wait, when it's 45 fucking degrees, develop a few melanomas while we're waiting, then head back in. So we actually do it, 'cause the gashes on Rory's feet are starting to shit him. When we get back, the owner of the house then kindly suggests that I vacuum. Not just our room, but the entire house. So I'm in my swimmers vacuuming like crazy and sweating like a bitch. The vacuum, understandably, overheats. I am then queried - did I break it? What did I do to the vacuum cleaner? Why isn't it working? Did I do the rest of the house?

Now I'm sitting in our (hopefully) flea-less room, and the fan is churning hot air into my face.

On another note, I need a new job. Any suggestions?

I'm selling stuff.

2005-12-19T02:27:37Z

http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=8365140004&rd=1&sspagename=STRK%3AMESE%3AIT&rd=1

Wetpatch is now on Wednesday, 23rd November

2005-11-17T04:04:33Z

This is your official invite. Please come. :)

It's at body art 777 in taylor square, between Kinselas and Judgo. After party is at judgo. I'll be dancing (lmfao) and Manray (or parts of it) will be playing. Come come!

Love youseeee all.

Quizzes are deep.

2005-10-28T00:45:23Z

You scored as Loner.

</td>

Loner

94%

Geek

88%

Drama nerd

81%

Goth

63%

Stoner

63%

Punk/Rebel

50%

Prep/Jock/Cheerleader

13%

Ghetto gangsta

13%

What's Your High School Stereotype?
created with QuizFarm.com

I am a faggoty-ass romantic sop... omg-wtf-lag.

2005-10-26T04:17:44Z

"I met a woman... and she said 'go to him, stay with him if you can, but be prepared to bleed.'"

"I could drink a case of you... still, I'd be on my feet, I would still be on my feet."

- A Case of You, Ms. Mitchell

"People turned away..."

- Down By The Seaside, Tori Amos and Robert Plant

"While you are away, my heart comes undone, slowly unravels, like a ball of yarn... the devil collects it, and with a grin.... our love, in a ball of yarn. He'll never return it."

- Unravel, Bjork

"She makes me wanna die..."

- Makes Me Wanna Die, Tricky

To counter the wankiness:

"Here I am at a famous school, I'm dressin' sharp and I'm actin' cool, I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper, let her do all the work and maybe later I'll rape her.. Oh God I am the American Dream, I do not think I'm too extreme, and I'm a handsome son of a bitch.. I'm gonna get a good job and be real rich!"

- Bobby Brown, Frank Zappa

God I love Frank Zappa. lol.

More shite.

2005-10-23T01:43:08Z

The Sudden Departure
Random Brutal Love Master (RBLMf)

Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call.

You are The Sudden Departure.

You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries.

Your exact opposite:
The Intern

Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer

We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor guys eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose.

ALWAYS AVOID: The Backrubber, The Gentleman

CONSIDER: The Vapor Trail, someone just like you

Link: The 32-Type Dating Test by OkCupid - Free Online Dating.
My profile name: redlili

Onto less serious matters.

2005-10-23T01:42:52Z

I.e matters that are not serious at all.

the Cutting Edge

(57% dark, 42% spontaneous, 26% vulgar)

your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK

Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.

Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 64% on darkness

You scored higher than 41% on spontaneity

You scored higher than 23% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Solemn Shit. Skip it if you don't want your bubble burst.

2005-10-23T01:41:42Z

THIS:

http://www.smh.com.au/news/national/boys-stomp-dog-to-death/2005/10/22/1129775998692.html

Makes me angrier than anything in the world.

I think these kids should be killed. And left in prams to rot, preferably on display somewhere in the CBD.

That's right kids, it's time for WETPATCH 4!

2005-10-18T03:25:00Z

If you missed the last Wetpatch, which was at our house in Darlinghurst, you will circle November 30 on your Calender RIGHT NOW and set it aside. This will be the best yet - exhibiting artists, live music, body painted dancers, fuck off food, donation-based entry and alcohol, an after party at judgo... what more could you want? Seriously? Expect a crowd of 200+.

DISCOVER YOUR WETPATCH (bringing art to the 'burbs)

Next week...

2005-10-14T04:35:13Z

Photos of my illustrious history with thrush!!!!

Empathy For Emma and Highschool Nostalgia

2005-10-14T04:32:34Z

EMMA - fear not. You are not the only one that has suffered strange skin diseases. The difference between you and me is that I took photos. I KNEW I DID IT FOR A REASON!

Ringworm: the onset.

The second photo was taken once it started to clear up (the entire inside was red and scaly and itchy as fuck). Do you like the use of the pen for a sense of scale? Touch of brilliance really. I also had a weird skin disease on my foot, it was like eczema... but not. I took no photos of that... alas. But I'm sure someone will comment and say "Oh yeah that was gross."

Hey Mez remember when I stuck my diseased foot in Haley's face on year 11 retreat? Fun times. Modern History was usually the time I allotted myself to update everyone on my retarded epidermis episodes.

I had the disease on my foot for about a year and the ringworm took about 6 months to go away. I had to take cortisone to get rid of them. YAY! I was on STEROIDS! It may explain why I am so unbelievably buff these days.

Excuse schizophrenia. Damn the man.

Let's do the suicide dance agaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!

2005-09-27T07:01:01Z

It's just a step to the left

DNNN DNNN DNNN DNNNN

Then throw yourself off a cliff!

It's just a step the right

DNN DNN DNN DNNNNNNNN

Then stab yourself with a kniffffe!

la la la de da de daaaaaaaaa

Let's do the suicide dance AGAIN!

lilired @ 2005-09-26T22:25:00

2005-09-26T12:29:41Z

I feel like running up to everyone I hate and screaming "RECTITUDE!!!!!!!!!"

Fucking rectitude. Fucking fucking. I wish someone would PUNCH me in the face. It'd be so simple that way.

INEFFABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No one deserves your clemency, god damnit. Be belligerent. Belligerent bisnatches.

DOOOOOOOIIIIIIIIITTT.

:D

So how's it going?

lilired @ 2005-09-25T20:52:00

2005-09-25T10:54:00Z

I'm so bored just ask me.

ISBJAM!

Further gig details for this saturday...

2005-09-15T03:07:17Z

Saturday 17th September 2005

Artists: The Skeletones, Manray, TBC

Stage Times: 10.30 – 11.30pm The Skeletones
9.30 – 10.10pm Manray
8.30pm – 9.10pm TBC

Manray and Rory Harris GIGS!

2005-09-11T06:38:33Z

Got the BLUES? Come to these blues nights, or die.

Here are Manray's upcoming gigs:

Saturday September 17, Club Mojo @ Hotel Bondi on Campbell Parade. Starts 8pm, Manray are on at 9:10pm. Cover charge = $8.
Tuesday September 27, Empire Hotel at Annandale. Starts 8pm, Manray are on at 10:00pm. This is an AWESOME venue, you should all check it out when you can. It's also FREE. YAY!
Tuesday October 4, Empire Hotel at Annandale. Rory is on at 8:30pm. This will be an awesome night, especially if you prefer acoustic stuff. Once again, it's free!

I will be there (one of the few social functions I am guaranteed to attend, regardless of work or uni obligations. Someone has my proverbial nuts in a jar somewhere. Plus the booking manager totally hassles me when I don't come and don't bring people :P)!

Media Assignment. If you're vaguely curious.

2005-08-29T14:30:21Z

lilired @ 2005-08-23T19:15:00

2005-08-23T09:16:02Z

The dudes at Spam'is'us sent me this today:

You have heard this proverb from your early childhood: “An apple a day, keeps a doctor away”.

But we can proudly say today: “One tab of Cilias soft tabs a day will keep your doctor far away”.
It’s absolutely safe for your health and pretty stable in its effect.

WE WILL SEND YOUR MONEY BACH IF IT DOESN’T WORK
(but it’s impossible)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Fuck I love spam

lilired @ 2005-08-17T21:56:00

2005-08-17T11:57:36Z

Have I CHANGED?

Oh Oh I don't want anybody else Oh No Oh No Oh No Yeah I touch myself

lilired @ 2005-08-17T21:53:00

2005-08-17T11:53:58Z

spastic fantastic says:
oh metal heads talk in terms of description
spastic fantastic says:
i mean beauty
spastic fantastic says:
gosh whacked
spastic fantastic says:
bush whacked
Nooey says:
lol
Nooey says:
lost me there
spastic fantastic says:
me too